You Lost Me
by sistenbaylie
Summary: If Bella saved Edward but he didn't want her. What next for her? I need feedback please! I hope you like it. I got the idea from the song You lost Me.
1. Chapter 1

I walk down the the beach and look at the dark ocean. He still didn't want me.

_What did you expect? _

That nagging voice in the back of my head asks. Nothing, nothing at all. I tried but it didn't work. He was gone. Again. I don't know what to do.

_Keep going._

Why not. I pick up a handful of rocks and throw them in the ocean, watching them sink. Like me, slowly going down. No one can see it but it's there. Till they hit the bottom. Gone forever. Maybe I should go back.

_No, he doesn't love you. He hates you, like he said. _

I'm done. I'm done pretending. They won. I'm not going to lie. I should move on but I can't. He's gone. Just like a house after a fire. Empty. I look around the beach. Quil is down the beach with Claire. I lost that option.

_You have meeee._

The voice hisses in my ear. I shrug like theres someone there. Someone kicks a ball and it lands at my feet. A girl and her boy friend are playing in the waves and wave at me. I throw it back and sit in the sand. I want to break again but there's nothing to break. I get up and walk back to my house.

"Hey Bell. Where were you?" My dad asks when I get inside.

"Italy. Did you have fun fishing?" I say dully. He nods then realizes.

"How? When? What? Never mind. I don't want to know." He says.

Good because I don't want to remember.

"What do you want for dinner?" He asks, watching me.

"I'm not hungry.'' I say, looking at the prom picture of _him_ and I.

"O.k. I'll get a pizza and you can eat when you're ready." He says, watching me.

He knows what happened. Heard me scream every night. I was done, done pretending. Done feeling.

"Thanks dad. I'm going to go do homework." Then exit stage stairs. I need to do this right.

_How was that?_ _Should I keep going? Does it suck? HELP! I got this idea when listing to You Lost me by Christina Aguilera. Really good song. Feedback? Thanks_

_Sissybaylie. _


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning it was gray but dry. I get up, shower and get dressed. Charlie left a note no the table .

_Gone fishing. Be home by 5. Be safe._

_Dad. _

I had the whole day to myself. What to do. I should call Jake. I should do my homework. Already done.

"_Call __**him**__." _The voice in my head nags.

"No." I say.

To the beach. I walk down the shore and there they are._ Him_ and _her_.

Keep walking I tell myself.

"_Go say hey." _The voice says. No way.

I keep walking. I see Quil and Emily and Seth. Keep walk. They call me over. I do.

"Hey Bella. Want to go get some lunch with is later?" Seth asks.

"No thanks. I'm good. Thanks though." I say then walk back.

They don't say anything. I walk down toward _them_. I sit on the stone ledge a couple yards away. They whisper together and I watch the gray ocean.

The sky is gray and the ocean is gray. Thee birds scream at each other and the breeze fills my nose with salty air. I inhale and my chest aches. I hug myself then look at them.

They look at me and smile and I shrug and stand up. I look for little shells.

Theres a little pink one that sparkles. I grab it

A big blue one. I grab that to. A goldish one that shines. Wet sand flies up as I dig up a dark green one. I rub my eyes and find that they are wet.

"_Go say hi." _

"No." I say and they look at me.

I shrug again and sit on the ledge again.

"_He doesn't love you."_

I know that. I knew that when he left the first time.

Suddenly I'm on the cold wet ground and they come running.

"Are you o.k miss?" A little girl asks.

"Yeah." I say and force myself to smile. _He _gives _he_r a look.

"Are you sure?" He asks. I wince.

"Yeah."

_Lies!" S_he yells in my ear

"Please shut up." I whisper at myself.

"_You know I'm right. LA LA LA." _She dances in my head.

"I think you need a doctor." He says

"_He's been to med school twice." _She says,

"I know that." I tell her but he smiles and my head thumps unevenly.

"That's what I thought." He says

"No, not you. I meant..." I say but shut up.

The little girl holds my hand and I give it a squeeze. She smiles and I can't help but smiling back.

"Thank you.." I tell her

"Sisten." She says in a voice that sounds like bells.

Her hair is honey gold and light. Her eyes are piercing gray-blue.

"Sisten. What a beautiful name. Like the chapel." I ask and she nods.

"You're very pretty" I tell her. She smiles.

"You are to." She whispers.

She smiles, her teeth pearly white. Her lips soft and pink. She's so pretty it hurts. She's wearing a black yoga pants and a long sleeved tee. A head band in her soft curls and Ugg boots.

"Not me. I have something for you." I tell her and I take her hands and make a bowl and dump the shells gently.

She grins big and giggles. I close her hands around them.

"Thank you." She says.

"Beautiful things come from places that aren't so beautiful. You just need to look and might be lucky enough to find the treasures hidden there, waiting to be found." I say softly, looking at her.

"You're a treasure." She says. I laugh.

"No, you are. You're so beautiful. Your daddy is a very lucky man. Do you have any siblings." I ask her but he jumps in.

"We should get you to a hospital." He says.

I nod and stand up but don't let go of Sisten. My hand in hers. We walk down to his silver Volvo. She tells me about herself on the way there. When we get there she climbs up next to on the bed and I remember the first time I was here, I shudder and she hugs me sideways. I pull her close and smell her watermelon shampooed hair.

"You will be o.k." She tells me. I nod

"I know. Thanks." I tell her. The doctor is his dad. I don't look at his eyes and he takes blood and other tests and Sisten stays with me and kisses my Scooby-Doo Band Aid after the blood test. I smile at her and she stays glued next to me on the bed.

"Miss Swan. You need to get a MRI. It's on the 4th level." He tells me, worry in his voice.

What?

"What? I just thought this was a check thing?" I ask. I was suddenly scared.

"Just to check something. 4th level." He adds.

I nod and Sisten hops down. She walks with me slowly to the elevator.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"They think my brain has a owie." I tell her.

"Oh." She says.

"I'll be o.k. What do your parents do?" I ask her.

"Daddy played the piano. Mommy is not here." She says.

I don't push her. When we finally get there Sisten stays in the room till I'm done and then I hope out of the machine and promise her I'd get her a ice cream.

She gets coconut and I get chocolate.

"What do you do." She asks.

We are sitting outside across the street at a park on a bench.

"What do you mean." I ask her

"What's your job." She asks.

"I don't have one." I say.

"I'm a human bean." She says (**All rights go to Jerry Spinelli!****)**

"I guess I am to." I say. She smiles.

"That's good. What do you want to be?" She asks.

"I want to be your friend." I say.

"Me to." She says.

"I guess that makes us friends." I say, smiles.

The doctor walks over and says we need to talk. Uh oh.

"I'm sorry. You have Leukemia." He says.

The world drops like I'm on a roller coaster. Sisten's jaw drops and I freeze.

"We estimated you have year to live. I'm so sorry.

**PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK! WHAT DO YOU THINK? He is edward and she is alice. The voice is something that changed in her brain form her depression. IDEAS?**


	3. Chapter 3

I think the world stopped then started again. I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the shock, it was goodbye all over again. Sisten was holding my hand so hard her's was white.

"Do you want to call your dad?" He asks.

How could I tell my dad he was going to lose me, again. The last year and a half where horrible for him. I tried but I could tell he saw though it.

"No, not yet." My voice was shaky and I felt feverish.

I frown and he gives me a look.

"Are you o.k Bella?" I wince as he says my name

"_**You don't want me?" **_

_**No."**_

My heart takes off and he puts his hand on my arm and to stop my shaking.

"I know this is the worst new possible." His voice is distant.

I shake my head. His goodbye was. Now I was leaving and he wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Sisten is watching us and I understand what I just did.

"No. No not this way." I say. Sisten smiles, flat out grins.

"I don't want to, no. NO!" I'm close to a break down like when charlie told me to go to california. When my mom came to my room.

"I'm sorry but we can help." He says. Searching my eyes.

"No thank you." I say.

I know what he meant. What good was never ending life without someone to share it with?

"Are you sure? We have people who can help Bella." I nod and stare at the door.

Is he coming?

"_Of course not. You're dying. He doesn't care remember?" _

I nod and look at Sisten and jump off the bed again and she follows.

"Goodbye." I hear Sisten whisper.

"Where am I taking you?" I ask her, she shrugs.

"Anywhere." She says.

"Where are your parents." I ask.

"I don't know. Around." She shrugs and looks at the forest.

"Where do you live?" I ask.

"Around." She shrugs.

I bit my lip. "Will it be o.k with your parents if you come to my house?" I ask.

"Yeah. Want to get some lunch?" She asks.

We go to a burger place and she gets a cheeseburger and a coke. I just get a coke. She eats slowly and daintily. I watch as her thin arm reachers for the ketchup.

"How old are you." I ask.

"I'm 7." She says, dipping a fry in ketchup and popping it in her mouth.

"I'm 19." I say.

She smiles and moves her plate closer to me and we share the fries. I learn she is home schooled and she has a older brother and a younger sister who's just a baby so her mom is very busy and her dad works out of town.

"I just walk the beach then go home and eat dinner and color, I like being alone." She says.

"I do too. Maybe we can be alone together." I say.

She nods and sits back like shes done.

"Ready to go?" I ask and she nods.

We got to my house and she looks around. When she gets to my room she jumps on the bed and tells me how much she loves purple.

"I think it's the best color ever." She tells me.

"I do to." I say watching her.

She walks across the floor a couple times then frowns. She sits down and thumps the floor a few times then frowns.

"There's something under here." She says.

I lean down and pull up the floor board. I almost laugh. There's the stuff _he_ gave me. The pictures. The CD. Sisten gives me a look and I do laugh.

"What is that stuff?" She asks, picking up the picture of us.

"Wasn't that guy at the beach?" She asks.

"Yeah. Can I tell you a secret." I ask and she smiles.

"Yeah." She nods, her hands on her chin, leaning on her crossed knees.

"I used to date him." I whisper, leaning close to her for effect.

She giggles and looks back at the picture.

"He's handsome." She mutters.

I laugh and she gives me a look.

"What, he is. What happened?" She says, going all serious.

"He decided he didn't love me anymore. I did a bad thing and he got mad at himself and almost died." I tell her.

She looks at the picture, a sad look in her eyes. The wind blows through the window and makes her thin hair flutter. Her blue gray eyes stare at the window and back at the picture.

"He made a mistake. You are a very cool person. He lost something awesome." She says, looking at me.

"I guess he couldn't see it. If you can tell that than you must be here to be my friend." I say.

She doesn't reply. A door slams down stairs and we jump. She moves closer to me.

"What was that?" She asks.

I shake my head.

"I don't know. Come on." I tell her and grab her hand and we walk down stairs.

Charlie turns on the light and we scream.

"Whoa. It's just me." He says.

"You scared us." I say.

"Sorry." He says, watching Sisten.

"Dad, this is Sisten. I met her at the beach today." I tell him and she waves.

"Hi sweetie. Nice to meet you. What do you want for dinner later? Are you staying for dinner?" He asks Sisten.

"If you don't mind." She says, her voice light as air.

"We would love yo have you. Did you two have fun today?" He asks.

We look at each other.

"Yes." We say at the same time.

Charlie smiles and then turns to some mail.

I turn to Sisten and we go upstairs. I grab paper and some crayons and we color. **(I hate markers!)**

She draws a house that I swear I've seen before. It's _his_ house.

"You live there?" I ask her, pointing to the her picture.

"I used to. I like your field. I know a really cool place down by the shore." She says.

"We used to go there." I tell myself more than her.

We color some more then Charlie calls me down.

"Carlise Cullen left a message on the phone. You didn't get it?" He asks.

"No." I say stiffly.

"I have to go to a meeting tonight. There's a big storm rolling in so stay inside and make sure Sisten's parents know shes here." He tells me, a weird look on his face.

"Don't worry. Have fun." I say and almost have to push him out.

"I think fun is the last thing I'm going to be having." He mutters.

After he leaves I turn to Sisten and she smiles.

"Want to get some dinner?" I ask her.

We go to a Subway a couple miles away.

We sit by the fire place and a storm rages outside, wind shakes the house and rain pelts the windows. It's really cozy inside. We eat our sandwiches and drink apple juice.

"When did you move here?" Sisten asks.

"2 years ago." I say

"It's a boring town. I want to go to Italy." She tells me.

I shudder. I remember the one time I went there.

"I want to go to London." I decide.

"I do to." She tells me.

I look out the window and see a flash of gold.

"Can you tell me a story?" Sisten asks.

"Sure." I say and she leans against the arm chair and watches the fire from the floor.

"There once was a little girl that lived in a small town..." I tell her a story and she falls asleep.

Charlie comes home at 8.

"She fell asleep." He notes.

"Yeah, Subway and a stormy night will do that to you." I say.

"We need to talk Bell." He says.

"Sure." I say and we move to the table.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks.

"About what?" I fake confusion. This can not be good!

"The cancer. I've been so worried about you. Please, let me help you." He says,

"I'm fine." I promise him.

"You're going for chemo this Saturday. Did Sisten tell you where she lives or anything?" He asks

"No. I will find her parents tomorrow. It's too late tonight. Goodnight Dad." I say and pick up Sisten and lay here on my bed.

I sigh and lay down to.

I close my eyes and the next thing I know I'm on the floor and Charlie is standing next to.

"Are you o.k?" He asks, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah. Ow." I say, a bump on my forehead and bruises on my arms.

"You have to be careful. You fell out of bed. What happened?" He asks.

"I was dreaming and then I was on the floor." I say, trying to remember.

"Oh Bella." He whispers and pulls me close and I feel...safe?

"I love you Daddy." I say, tears down my cheeks.

"It's going to be o.k. You are o.k. How about we get you back to bed?" He asks.

Without waiting he picks me up like I'm 5 and gently lays me back on my bed.

"Goodnight baby girl. Try not to fall out again." He say and I laugh a little and wipe my eyes.

"Goodnight Daddy, I'll try." I whisper and he kisses my head and leaves the door open a little.

I hear him go downstairs and call someone.

"I don't know Billy. She just fell out of bed. Maybe that's from the cancer, maybe it's from them but it's not good. Maybe she could stay at your house tomorrow? Spend the day with Jake like before. She was happier then. I'm so scared I'm going to lose her again." He says.

I feel guilty. I can't here what he says next, I don't need to. It's about _him. _I don't want to hear it. I want to forget it. I close my eyes and don't open them till morning.

**What do you think? I have good intentions for this story but I need your help, what do you think of it?**


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to review and give me ideas. :)**

Someone with very big, warm hands was gently shaking me.

"What do you want?" I grump, slowly opening my eyes to the harsh white light.

"Hey Bell, it's me, Jake. It's time to get up." He is kneeling on the floor.

"Oh, hey." I say, rubbing my eyes.

When I take my hand away, I gasp. There's a huge purple and blue bruise on my hand. Jake grabs my hand and gives me a look. Charlie must have not told him.

"How about you get ready and we can go hang out. Like old times. We will have tons of fun." He says,

"Sure. I'll go shower real quick and meet you down stairs in like 10 minutes. Feel free to eat my refrigerator." I say laughing and he smiles.

"Sounds good. There's a little girl down stairs, I hope you knew that." He adds.

"Crap, I forgot about her. We can find her parents then go." I say.

"Great." He says then runs down stairs.

I take a shower, letting the warm water wash away my fears and worries. The smell of my shampoo calms me till I'm almost asleep. I throw on some jeans and a turtle neck.

"Great, I got you some food." Jake says as I come down stairs.

"Thanks. Sisten, can you come here a minute." I ask and she comes in.

"Where do you live so we can take you home." I say

"I'll tell you where to turn." She says,

"Great. Jake, we just have to drop her off then we can go." I say and she shrugs.

"I'm just glade to see you." He says and my heart jumps.

"You to." I say smiling.

We get in my truck and drive down a very familiar road. His driveway. The big white house.

**Crash, my arm bleeding, Jasper. Piano. Cake. Green eyes. A silver box. **All the memories came flooding back after I worked so hard to drive them away. I hardly felt Jacob's warm hand on mine.

"That's the house." Sisten says.

I drive slowly up the drive and feel the hole burst open.

"_Oh." _I gasp.

I want to turn around and forget. Go back under that curtain of not remembering. I would do anything to make the pain go away. I look up and see him at the window. I wipe my cheek, I'm crying.

"Thanks." I hear Sisten say and slip out.

I drive a couple blocks away then park and start full on sobbing.

"It's ok Bella. It's going to be ok. You are going to be ok. Come here honey." Jake says and I let him pull me close to his warm body and it feels so good, like wrapping up in a warm blanket fresh from the dryer. **(It does feel so good!)**

I don't know how long we sit there till I finally stop shaking.

"I'm sorry Jake." I mutter and he just rocks me.

"No, it's ok Bella. I would be a little worried if you hadn't broken down. It's good for you, forgetting only makes the pain worse when we finally have to feel it," **(Thanks J.K Rowling!)**

"Let's go. I'm ok." I say and move to start the car.

I drive to his house. Billy gives Jake a look when we get inside. It's warm and cozy.

"Look's like we are right on time. Bella, you know Leah." He leads me to the table where most of the Pack is.

"Yeah. Nice to see you again." I say and force a smile and Jake groans a little and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

"Good for you. Jacob, I'm going to go run. If you need me, call Sam." She says, glaring at me.

"What did I do?" I ask when she leaves.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. Want some food? I think Sue is making lunch." He says, taking his arm off me to walk to the kitchen.

I watch people talk.

"Nice to see you again Bella." I hear Emily say, walking up.

"Yeah. You too." I say smiling for real this time.

"Jake won't stop talking about you." She says.

"Really? Mh." I say.

"Yeah. Glade to see you again Bella." She says then walks over to

"Hey Bella. Nice to see you again." Seth says, smiling.

"You too. What have you guys been doing?" I ask.

"Nothing really. Just hanging out. You?" He asks

"Nope. Not really." I say.

"Lunch time!" Sue yells form the kitchen and 8 huge boys run in there faster than I thought possible.

Jake comes out.

"Hey Bells. Sorry, looks like we have to wait a little bit." He says, looking at the packed kitchen, **(Get it? Packed and packed.)**

"It's fine. I'm not really hungry. I'm just glade to be here." I say.

"Good." He says, smiling and my heart jumps again.

"I really missed you Bells. I'm really glade you came back." He almost whispers.

"I really missed you too. Glade to be back." I say back, almost laughing.

"You know what? Let's blow this. Come on." He says, pulling me out the door into the cool air.

I inhale really deep. We walk alone the beach and think.

We sit on a ledge, out legs dangling. Jacob looks so happy there.

"Bella, I really missed you. Every day was like I was in line to get burned." He says, I flinch.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, he leans closer.

"I was so scared I was going to lose you Bella because, well, I love you." He says, looking me straight in the eye.

My voice won't work, it doesn't have to. He leans down and gently kisses me. I hear a low growl somewhere down the beach and strangely don't care.

"I'm sorry, you didn't have to worry." I whisper.

"I believe it now. Can I keep you forever Bella?" He asks. **(CASPER!)**

"Oh Jake." I say.

How am I suppose to tell him,

"What?" He asks.

"I'm so sorry." I say, I suddenly can't look at him.

"What Bella. I'm going out of my mind here!" He asks, his voice frantic **(EDWARD!)**

"Jacob, please, don't freak out ok?" I ask in a small voice.

"I promise." He says.

"I have Leukemia." I say and wait.

He doesn't say anything.

"Wha-? What? You're dying?" He asks, he sounds like he's choking.

I just nod and lean against him. A hear another growl. Something is very hurt.

"I'm sorry Jake." I whisper.

"How long?" He asks.

"I don't know. I don't care. Please just don't leave me." I almost beg.

"I promise." He say, wrapping his huge arms around me,

Safe, warm and loved, something I haven't been in a while.

**I know its sad! Please please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**It was snowing when I wrote this, also I was listening to Eminem, so its a little...Enjoy!**

The next morning it's snowing. Great.

"Hey Bella." Charlie says when I walk down stairs.

"Hey Dad. It's snowing." I note.

"It is. If you go, be careful." He says,

"No problem, what you doing today?" I ask, sitting down.

"Just hanging out, what happened to that one girl? I think her name was Sisten." He asks.

"Nothing. I'm going to shower." I say, desperate to change the subject.

"O.k." He says.

I shower and let the stream calm me. I change and look out the window. There's a silver Volvo on the street. No way. I look again and it's there all right. I smile and put my coat on. My Ipod is full of Eminem. (**I love him!)**

"Where are you going?" Charlie asks.

"Just out. I'll be back soon." I promise and let Eminem fill my mind as I walk out into the swirling white.

I walk to the Volvo but don't let him know I see him. I hear a crack and am suddenly falling to the hard ice. Uh oh.

"Oh." I say, to myself almost as a question.

He doesn't come.

I just sit there on the cold ice for a minute, listening to Eminem's gold voice. Finally I look around and see his silhouette in the car. The hole aches and I hug myself and try not to scream. I bit back tears but I must not be strong enough. They fall, hard and fast. I just sit there, hugging myself, crying.

Finally someone tall walks up.

"Bella, are you o.k?" Jake asks.

I don't move.

"Oh, what happened?" He asks, leaning down to me.

I don't say anything, I'm scared I'll say something wrong.

"Let's get you inside. Did you slip?" I can only nod.

I look, the car is gone.

"Clumsy Bella." He says, to himself more than me, almost smiling.

He carries me inside and Charlie looks up,

"Bella? Jake? What happened?" He asks, standing up.

"She slipped on the ice. I think she will be fine after some hot chocolate and a blanket." He says

I laugh a little and Charlie looks at me.

"Thanks Jake." I say as he sets me on the couch. Just like before. I scream and they run to me.

"It's ok Bella, your o.k." Jake kneels next to me.

I grab his hand and cry for a minute then close my eyes and take a deep breath then my eyes shoot open.

"It's gone." I mutter to myself.

The hole doesn't hurt. I smile.

"I'm sorry Bells." Jake whispers, stroking my face.

"I know. I love you Jake." I whisper, holding his hand tight in mine.

I didn't hear Charlie leave. Jake leans down and gently kisses me. I let him. He pulls away and my heart is beating fast.

"I love you to Bella. I'm sorry your hurt." He whispers.

I move so he can lay behind me and we watch SpongeBob, Tom and Jerry and Scooby Doo. (**I love doing that!)**

I must have fallen asleep because he gently shakes me.

"Time to wake up Bells." I blink a couple times and smile at him.

"Hey, how was your nap?" He asks.

"Great. I'm sorry Jake." I say.

He smiles. "If you kiss me I'll forgive you." He says.

I do. His lips are warm and soft. With him there are no lines, no stopping when he thinks he wants to kill me.

I pull away and smiles at him.

"There's the Bella smile." He whispers.

"Thanks so much Jake. I'm glade you're here." I says.

"No prob. I have to go. See you later, and Bella?" He asks

"Yeah?" I ask.

"I love you." He says then kisses me again and leaves.

I sigh and get up. It's still snowing. I love snow. It's cold. Just like him. NO. I stop myself and look around. The house doesn't look any different form a couple months ago. Tomorrow is Saturday. I have my chemo appointment.

"You still have cancer Bella. Loving Jake doesn't change much. Grow up. Get over it." I tell myself.

I don't know where Charlie went.

The phone rings and I get up to answer.

"Swans." I say.

"Hello, this is Carlisle Cullen. Bella Swan has a chemo appointment tomorrow." He says, my heart takes off.

"Hello?" He asks.

"Yeah, great. Thank you. Who will be her doctor?" I ask in a shaky voice.

"I will be. Is that a problem?" He asks.

"No. No its fine. Thanks." I say and hang up.

After sinking to the floor the door bell rings. I wonder who that is.

Rose is at the door.

"Hey Bella." She says,

I take a couple deep breathes then invite her in.

"I'm really sorry." She tries.

"No, its fine." my voice is all all wrong.

"No it's not. We almost killed you. He's a idiot." She tells me.

"I thought you were leaving me alone. 'It will be as I never existed' and all that? Why did he drive here if he doesn't want me?" I asked.

"He never came over." She says, frowning.

"So the silver Volvo was a hallucination?" I ask

"He is in so much trouble." She says though her teeth.

"Yeah. Ask him if he wants the stuff he put under my floor back." I say.

"He told us he burned that stuff." She says frowning again.

"Nope. Its up stairs. Along with the radio. If you want it all back you can have it." I say.

"Oh Bella. I'm so sorry." She whispers.

I don't say anything. I stare at my arms. I have more bruises.

"What did you do?" She asks, grabbing my arms.

"Absolutely nothing." I say in a hard voice.

"What happened?" She asks, concern in her eyes.

"Did Carlise tell you?" I ask.

"No, tell me what?" She asks.

"I have cancer. He made it sound like I have about a year or two to live." I say dully.

She doesn't move. She doesn't even breathe. She just looks at me.

"He said he got a cancer patient that didn't have any family. That he would be pending tons of time with her because she was going to die. Oh." She says, adding tow and two together in her head.

"You can't tell him. Please Rose. Don't tell him." I plead.

"I promise. Can I help you?" She asks.

I shake my head.

"Can I be your friend?" She asks.

I think a minute.

"Yeah, I would like that." I say finally.

"I really am sorry Bella. For everything. Before I didn't understand why Edward loved you so much." She says.

I flinch at his name. _Get over it. Move on. You are brave._ The voice in my head whispered.

"I know." I tell it.

"I have to go." She says.

"Please don't tell him or Alice or anyone please." I almost beg.

"I won't, see you later." She says then is gone.

"Hey Bella, what do you want for dinner?" Charlie asks.

"Anything." I say dully.

"Sounds good." He says then goes to order pizza.

I'm not sure anything sounds good right now.

**How is it? It's gonna b a sad story. I have a question. My friend said I should write a story about Bella having anorexia or make one up. What do yall say?**


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Charlie drops me off at the hospital,

"You want to go alone?" He asks.

"Yeah, see you later." I mutter and get out of the car to face my doom.

"Hello Bella," Dr. Cullen says at the front desk.

"Hey." I say dully.

"If you could follow me." He says with a smile.

Don't think I will be smiling anytime soon. He brings me to a big room with comfy chairs in a line.

"Please take a seat." He gestures to the closest one.

"Bella, do you know what we are going to do today?" He asks.

"Not really." I say.

"We are just killing the cells in your body. There are some side effects but we can deal with those. Are you ready?" He asks after explaining everything. (**I don't know it all so I summed it up and let it drift of**f.)

"Yeah." I say suddenly scared.

He sets up the IV and I wince as it pokes.

"It should take about a half hour. I'll be in to check on you in a little bit. Are you comfortable?" He asks.

"Just fine." I say.

He smiles, nods and leaves. Soon the poison burns my veins but I know what venom feels like and this is nothing compared to that. After a couple deep breathes I go numb and let my mind wander.

What is Jake doing, my dad? Where is my mom. At that I stop. Does she know? I don't know if I can deal with all this.

"How you doing Bella?" Dr. Cullen comes back.

I didn't realize I closed my eyes till I open them.

"Just fine." I say

"Good." Carlise says.

"Does he know?" I whisper.

He knows what I mean. "No." He says.

"Are you going to tell him?" I ask.

"Not if you don't want me to. I can't stop Alice from seeing what will happen but I can stop her from telling him." He says on a soft voice.

"Please. Just for now. Till I can figure it all out." I say,

"Of course. If there is anything I can do, just let me know," He says and I have a new respect for him.

"Can I have I hug?" I say, my throat is feeling funny.

"Of course." He replies smiling.

I get up, careful of the lines and hug him.

"I think we are done for today." He says, gently pulling away, looking at the tubes and IV bag.

He takes everything off and puts a band aid on the tiny IV hole.

"Great, thanks so much Carlise." I say, feeling better than I thought.

"You are very welcome Bella, see again next week." He says and I walk to the check out desk and out to Charlies car.

"How did it go?" He asks.

"Good. Could you drop me at Jakes?" I ask and he smiles at me.

"Sure thing kid. Want to get some food first?"

"No, not really, I might just get sick later." I say, truthfully my stomach is starting to feel a little off.

"Jakes house we go." Charlie says pulling away.

He drops me off and I run to the door and wait for him to answer, which isn't long.

"Hey Bella, how are you?" he asks when he opens the door.

"Good, just got done at the doctors." I say.

"How did that go?" He asks.

"Just fine. Good even. What have you been doing?" I ask.

"Nothing. Want some coke and pizza?" He asks as we walk into his tiny little cozy house.

"Sure thanks." I say, sitting on the couch, I hope it will make my tummy feel better.

He comes back and looks me over and smiles.

"How do you feel?" He asks.

"Ok. My stomach is a little weird but other than that I feel ok." I say, taking a bite out of a hot piece of cheese.

"Good, hey dad Bella is here." He says as Billie Black rolls in.

"Hello Bella, nice to see you again." He says smiling.

"You too." I say.

"Be nice to her Jacob." He says and winks at me before rolling to the kitchen.

"He's glade you're hanging out with me again." Jake notes at me.

I nod and smile. I am suddenly really tired.

"You ok Bella?" Jake asks me, looking at me funny.

"I'm just tired," I say.

"Looks like there's going to be a big storm." Billie observes at the dark clouds outside.

"Yeah, don't go all wolfy in this weather please." I joke at Jake.

"No ma'am. I'm all yours." He says and I have a side thought about Jasper,

"I'm going to Sue's, see you later." Billie tells us.

"Bella, I don't think you should leave in this storm, want to call your dad?" Jake suddenly asks.

"Sure and Jake?" I say.

"Yeah?"

Thanks." I say smiling.

After calling Charlie I fall on the couch next Jacob, grinning.

"What's going on Bella?" Jacob asks.

"We are alone. Will you kiss me Jake?" I ask and he does.

We are totally comfy till my stomach has had enough and I run the bathroom, Jake holds my hair as I lose the piece of pizza and coke I had for lunch/dinner. When I'm done I slump against the wall, taking deep breathes, trying not to throw up again, not that I have anything to throw up. Jacob hands me a glass of water and waits.

"I'm ok, I think." I say when my mouth is puke free.

"Let's just chill today." Jacob suggests

"Good idea." I say, hulling up against the sink to stand.

When we are back on the couch I feel normal again. After a hour I try some crackers then a peanut butter sandwich and a tall glass of coke. **(I hate milk, it makes me puke!)**

We are watching TV and he is kissing my neck when I get that feeling again and run back to the bathroom, Jake is ready this time and put my hair in a bun before hand.

"My sisters made me play with them all the time." He said when I gave him a look for knowing anything about hair.

When I'm done I groan.

"This is going to suck." I mutter, leaning my head against the wall.

"I know honey." He moves to pick me up but I slowly open my eyes.

"Can I just stay here?" I groan and he laughs

"No, it's not very comfortable here." He says.

"I won't be comfortable anywhere. I'm to tired to move." I mutter.

He picks me up and slowly lowers me to the couch like I'm made of glass.

I must have fallen asleep because rain is pounding the small house and Jake is stroking my hair and wiping my head with a cool cloth. I didn't realize how hot I was still now.

"You have a fever of 103. I bet you want some ice cold water." He says looking down at me, my head is like in his lap.

"Yes please, I croak and almost drink the whole thing till he takes it back.

"Small sips or you will get sick agin." He instructs.

After many small sips I hand him the glass and he kisses me and then my hair and I get comfy against him and he talks to me. I'm totally blissed out, I guess I was wrong about being comfy. Maybe I could get used to this soft warm body, lips, hands everything. I have never been happier.

**I know its kinda gross but not to bad right? Rate it 1 to 10 on gross scale. I gave it a 2. REVEIWS! **


	7. Chapter 7

**GO THE USED! SO CREEPY BUT LOVE THEM. THANK YOU MICK ST. JOHN FOR SHOWING ME THEM. GO MOONLIGHT!**

There is a bright light in my face.

"What is that?" I groan and I hear Jacob laugh.

"Hey Bella, how do you feel?" He asks.

I open my eyes and, of course, I'm in the hospital. My head feels heavy but other than that I feel ok.

"Annoyed. Why aren't we at home?" I ask him, blinking against the light.

"Do you remember what happened?" He asks.

"No, do I really care? No. Can we just go?" I beg him.

He grabs my hand with both of his huge warms ones.

"You kind of freaked out Bells. You were half awake, screaming about your bones. Then about Edward. You wouldn't let me help you. I pushed you down on the couch till you were just crying. I ran you here. Half way here you got a really bad nose bleed and Carlise met me as close as he could. You scared us Bella." He says, studying my face.

I remember. I remember my bones feeling like they were on fire. I am suddenly grateful he can't read my mind.

"I don't remember. Thank you Jake." I whisper, suddenly very tired.

"Goodnight Bells." He kisses my forehead and I fall into darkness.

We get to go home the next day.

"I think you should go see Charlie." Jacob says when I ask him what we should do today.

I just nod and drive home.

Charlie gives me a big hug when I get home,

"Hey Bells, Jacob called me and I was so worried." He says.

I nod and go to my room. The box Sisten found sits on my desk.

_Don't go there Bella. _ The voice says.

I find a new strength, anger maybe. I grab the box and the messed up radio and get in my truck and let my self remember what I have been trying to forget.

_**A crash. A field. Edward. **_I stop at that one. Keep going.

"_**I will love you everyday of forever." (**_**I THINK THATS WHAT IT IS. SORRY IF Isn't RIGHT!)**

_**After I saved him. "I'm sorry Bella, I have to go. Thank you but this doesn't change anything." What he told me after I pushed him out of the light. **_

"_**You don't want me? O.k. Have it your way. Have a good forever." I remember I spit that at him and willed myself to walk away, away from the bell tower, away from the crowds of people, away from him.**_

I'm here. The same big white house. I smile and park. I grab the stuff, turn off my other radio. _The Used _stops screaming.** (I LOVE THEM! THANK YOU MICK ST. JOHN!)**

I walk up his front yard and throw the box and radio with a gratifying crash through their living room window. Smirking, I wait a minute till someone comes out to see what happened. He does, with a shocked look on his face.

"Bella?" He almost whispers but I can still hear it.

I stand there, shaking almost with anger, waiting for him to do something. Someone else comes out of the house. Tanya. I almost scream. I will not break again.

"What was that Edward?" She asks, pulling her arms around his waist.

Now I am shaking and no matter what I do it won't stop.

_He crawls like a worm, crawls like a worm from a bird._

The lyrics shout in my head and suddenly I laugh.

_Like a worm from a bird. _

She watches me and knows, knows everything about me. Who I am, what I'm doing here and when I intend to get out of this visit.

_CRAWLS LIKE A WORM FORM A BIRD. All he knows,he can't relive it, it grows. _

What if that worm fell in love with that bird. Running away would have saved it's life. Too bad it didn't.

Tanya smiles at me and nods.

"Nice to see you." She says.

I nod and push up my sleeves, like I'm ready to fight her. Edward gasps, he sees the bruises and probably smells the cancer. I laugh again, softly.

"You too. I was just returning something. Sorry, I missed his head." I say, smirking.

He goes pale. He can tell. I laugh again and salute her.

"When I die in a couple months, I just wanted to make sure I gave it all back, not remembering someone is hard if they hide their stuff under your floor." I explain.

She stares at me then Edward and she moves, taking one perfect arm away from his hips. I see a big diamond ring, my stomach lurches and I fight to not be sick or faint or both.

She nods, she knows I saw. It was her objective.

"Are you ok?" She asks.

Am I? Differently not. To what she's asking...still no.

I nod. My legs have gone numb. Somehow I stumble a couple steps forward then mentally kick myself and step back. Edward. My chest is exploding. I winch and pray I stay this locked down till I can get to my my car. I don't think I am gonna make it. The world goes fuzzy and I start apologizing before it happens. I am fall and flying at the same time. I want to scream and shut up. I want to be in a crowd but all alone. Its black and I suck in air that never hits my lungs. Why can't I breath? I fall to the cold ground and it feels amazing. Solid and cold. Im so light and burning. Let me sleep. Please let me sleep.

I scream one last time and let the pain take me under.

"Bella?" Someone is standing above me in this comfortable room.

It's dark and warm and soft and my bones hurt so much. I whimper once and move my neck.

"I just need to check your pulse and stuff. It will take jut a minute, can you sit up?" Carlise whispers.

His voice is still to loud. I wince again and he gently pulls me up to his arms, where he can check my breathing and pulse and temp.

"There's a infection and it hit your lungs." He says, still listening to my lungs.

I cough once and winch, he does to so it must not sound good.

"I'm going to put you on some antibiotics. Drink tons of water and sleep. I can give you some meds for that if you can't fall asleep and more the pain." He says, when he's done he writes something down and hands me a plastic cup with 3 pills and a glass of cold water.

When I'm done I cough then take a deep breath and he frowns.

"Cough again, this this time don't take a breath." He instructs.

I can't do it. He puts me on oxygen and I lay back down and listen to the hum of the machine and the drip of the IV he added after he heard my lungs. As I drift off to a peaceful and comfortable sleep, someone walks in my door way, the light from the hall makes a focus point and I blink awake and watch them. I fight sleep and snuggle deeper into this big bed under it's soft comforter.

I wake up after I don't know how long and try to remember where I am. Oh yeah. I climb out of bed and pull the oxygen mask off and look around the room, its very dark, there are huge curtains in front of the windows, theres a closet and a table with a mirror above it. I'm wearing soft shorts and a tank top.

I grab my IV pole and slowly walk down the hall. I feel light and fragile and completely empty. No one is around. Good.

"Oh good, you are up. I called your dad, he said you should stay here for a little bit. He will visit tomorrow. Feel better?" He asks, smiling,

"Yeah, where is everyone?" I ask.

"Out. I told them I needed some time with you with out them interfering." He explains.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to end up like this. I should have just have left that box on the step. I was just mad. I can pay for the window." I say.

"Oh there's no need for that. All fixed and I don't blame you. I expected you to bomb our house no less through something through the window. I'm glade you came so I could find the infection in time." He says.

"Oh, right." I say, smiling and he laughs.

"Want something to eat?" he gestures to the table.

I sit at the bar, watching him work. While he makes me a sandwich I sip root beer.

"Am I better than?" I ask.

He gives me a look and I smile. "You know what I mean."

"The depression or the infection?" He asks.

How did he know? "Both." I say,

"Depression, I think you will be. Infection, I don't know. I think you should stay here till we know for sure. If you want everyone to stay away I can make sure they do." He says.

"No, I think I do want them here. Rose knows. I think it will help." I say slowly.

"Good. I'll call them after you are done." He sits next to me.

"Why didn't they do anything?" I ask, staring at the bubbles in my soda. (**hate the word pop)**

"I don't know. You should ask them," He says.

I nod. When I'm done I go back to my room and call Jacob.

"Bella! Are you ok?" He asks when I call.

I tell him what happened and he screams.

"Why didn't that bloodsucker help you? Im coming to get you." He says,

"No. It's fine. I have some infection. I'll be over soon." I say.

"OK, I love you Bella." He says and my hear takes off.

"Oh Jake! I love you to." I say slowly.

I hear him laugh and I want to cry.

"I'll see you soon Baby Girl." He promises.

"I know. I miss you." I whisper.

"I miss you to. I have to go but I'll pick you up whenever they let you go. I love you." He says

"Ok, by Jake." I whisper and hang up.

I am suddenly very tired and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I am surrounded by warmth and darkness and comfort and I couldn't be happier because Jake loves me, he isn't ever going to leave me.

**OK SO I KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO EXPLAIN HERE I GO..this has happened to me. Someone left me and this is how I feel or felt. No one I know has cancer. I get panic attacks and the only thing that keeps me form running around my house like a crazy person is remembering (sorry if you don't believe in God OR anything so if you don't skip down vv. I'm christian so I'm REALLY sorry if you don't think this so just a warning incase..) that God loves me. "Daddy loves you, he isn't ever going to leave you. Because Daddy loves you." I just repeat it till I'm calm. I added that in kinda with the Jake thing at the end. **

**Do you get where I'm coming from with this Ch? If you don't PM me and I can help. The Used is a band I found in a video from a show called moonlight. Yes it's about Vampires but its not like twilight. Its legit. Check it out. I love mick st john and u might to. I love music and it help me write. Superchick, eminem, the used, linkin park. Let me know and if I can help with anything. Please review! **

**Lots of love, Sissybaylie. **


	8. Chapter 8

The next time I wake up I know what has happened. Carlise took out the IV but put me back on oxygen. I slowly go down stairs and look around. Emmett is sitting on the couch, playing video games with Jasper and I don't see anyone else.

"Hey, nice to see you again." Emmett says, smiling at me.

"Yeah, you to." I say

"Want to play?" He asks, handing me a controller.

"No thanks, I like to watch you shoot the people, I would feel guilty." I say smiling

"Silly Bells, sit on down, have a root beer, relax." Jasper hands me the bottle and I smile at him and love them both.

"What's funny?" Em asks

"I love you both." I say simply.

"We love you too Bella." They say.

"Let's go shoot some dudes." I say, sitting back, putting my feet up under the warm tie blanket.

They shoot people for I don't know how long. I only know I am happy. Then the coughing starts.

They both look at me and move, fast. Emmett turns up the oxygen on my mask and Jasper gently hits my back to move the crap in my lungs. After about a minute I manage to spit a loads of gunk into Emmett's waiting trashcan.

"Sorry." I whisper then suck air.

"It's fine Bella. We want to help you. How about some more root beer." Jasper goes to the kitchen and Emmett pulls me up against his side so I get both the warmth and coolness of his body and soon I'm dozing to the sound of their game and conversation.

"How is she?" Someone asks.

"Fine. Had a cough attack about 15 minutes ago but is really fine now." Emmett tells the person.

"I should have stayed. Next time, punch me Em." The person sounds sad.

"Loved to Eddy. I would love to do much more than that but there you go." Emmett says, I can tell he's smiling.

My heart speeds up, Edward.

"Look what you've done. It's ok Bells, your ok. It's fine." Emmett says softly.

I somehow am calmed at that reassurance. I go back to my dozing.

"Nice kid. Now, you, leave." Jasper says.

Someone growls lightly and exhales and he leaves, thank you.

"That jerk, he messed this all up. Look at how peaceful Bella looks. Hey Rose." Jazz says

Rose walks in, I can smell her perfume, rose and lavender?

"Hey guys. Isn't that a little annoying to have to sleep through? You should have let her go back to bed.

Rose scolds, annoyance in her voice.

"She came down her, we just did what she asks. We didn't do anything." Emmett promises.

Time to wake up and save the boys, I stretch and yawn and smile.

"Hey Rosie." I say, yawning again.

"Hey Bells. How do you feel? What did they do?" She asks.

"Everything. It was so peaceful and comfortable. Truthfully? You woke me up. They were better than perfect. Don't yell at them." I say quickly, looking at the boys.

"They were? No way!" Esme says walking in.

I laugh and nod and they both smile innocently.

"Nice job Bella. You saved me about a hour of useless explaining. Nice to hear they behaved." She explains

"Hey, we always behave." They protest at the same time and we all crack up.

I sigh and look at everyone. I never thought I would be here again. Now I have to leave them again, forever.

"Bella?" Em asks.

"Sorry, yeah?" I ask, shaking my head.

He gives me a look and they all watch me,

"Just spaced out, sorry." I say again.

"You were humming. Your lullaby." Jasper says,

"Was I? Mh. I think I'll go take a shower." I saw dully.

They watch me go. I feel weird. Light, empty, pretty. **(You know the feeling?) **

The hot water feels so good. After shampooing and shaving I take a deep breathe and turn off the water and wrap a towel about my ribs and frown. My hips stick out more and I can feel every rib. I weigh myself on the scale by the sink and frown again. 95 pounds. That can't be right. I was 105 two weeks ago. I change into a clean tank and shorts and put my hair up in a bun and look in the mirror. My teeth are fine, everything is the same. My eyes look different. Some kind of excitement sparkles there but I can't put my finger on it.

"Oh, you're done. I was wondering if you could do another chemo today?" Carlise asks when I walk back across the fluffy carpet to my room.

"Sure. Where?" I ask.

"My office, 5 minutes?" He says.

"Sure. Be right there." I grab my ipod, book and the blanket from before.

He sets me up in a chair they vibrates. I put on my ipod and close my eyes, leaning back till the chair shakes me right to my very visible bones. 20 minutes later I'm done.

"Great. You can go now," Carlise says.

I walk around the house, now all hyped up like a 3 year old after Halloween. I pass his room and smile and knock. I can hear him move but he doesn't let me know he's there. I wait then smile and move on, I will get to him soon. Next is Rose and Em's room. Big bed, huge closet, long mirror. Alice and Jazz's room. Same-ish. I didn't dare go in Esme's. Downstairs. Kitchen, family room. His piano. I play a little. Beautiful sounds come out as my fingers fly across the keys. I hear a door open and smile. 5 minutes. 5 hours. 5 years. I don't know how long I play till I give up and grab a water bottle. Basement.

Not much down here. Outside. I bit my lip on that one. Would they let me? Sure.

Outside I walk around, the cool air feels so good, I feel so hot. Maybe it's the chemo. Bear foot in tiny flannel shorts and a tank and I feel so hot, internally almost, like a fever. Cold grass, cool breeze. I close my eyes and feel the air with every inch of my being.

"What are you doing Bella?" Alice asks, not a scold, a question.

"I got hot, just had chemo. This feels so good." I say, not opening my eyes or turning to her.

"Crazy. Have fun." She leaves.

I go back inside and look around, Rose is on the couch looking at a magazine Em and Jazz are playing cards, Esme is painting, Carlise is at work, we are missing someone.

"I know. He's stupid." Jasper says like he knows what I'm thinking about.

"Stubborn." I add,

"A complete idiot." Em says

"He's a chicken." Rose says, not looking up.

I smile and get up off the couch,

"Where you going?" Em asks.

"Going to get him off his sorry little-" I start

"Good luck girl." Em says.

"If you do, I will be your slave for 24 hours." Jasper adds.

"Me to," Em interjects.

"You're on" I challenge and walk up stairs, everyone watching

I get to his door and knock, Emmett snickers.

"Wait." I say and knock again

Still nothing. I smile at them and kick the door down.

Their mouths drop open and I grin at them,I hear Emmett say "She is so bad a**!" (**I hate swearing sorry)**

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen get your sorry butt down stairs before I kick it there." I say in a firm voice.

He doesn't look at me, just sits there on his couch, feeling sorry for himself. I stand there with my hands on hips, waiting for him to do something

"Well?" I ask after a minute.

He doesn't move. I go over and push him over. He blinks, shocked.

"I'm starting to wonder why the strongest person I knew is being such a baby over nothing." I say.

He winces bur keeps his mouth glued shut.

"Your family is right. You are stubborn, and an idiot and frankly, stupid. Grow up Edward. You are almost 110. Act like it." I say, its like talking to a child.

He still won't do anything so I go down stairs.

"Great job little sis." Emmett says.

"I didn't really do anything. Just told him the truth. He didn't move. Sorry." I say

"You did more than any of us and we are like 100 times stronger." Jasper says.

"I don't believe that Jazz. Bella made it though all this and still kick him around, she is the strongest person I know." Rose says.

Wow.

"No. I'm not." I say

"You are." They all scream and we turn on the radio and dance around till I'm exhausted and giggly.

"That was fun," I gasp.

"Yeah." Emmett says.

Jazz leaves and comes back with my oxygen tank. Thanks. I suck in air for a minute or two then grin.

"That has been the most fun I have had in a long time." I state.

"Glade to hear it." Esme says from the kitchen, I had forgotten she was here.

I catch my breathe and groan.

"What's wrong?" Rose asks.

"I'm starting to feel that chemo." I groan again, feeling my stomach flip,she smiles and rubs my back.

I shrug and sigh. The phone rings and I get up to answer it.

"Hey Bells." Jake answers

"JACOB!" I scream, forgetting my misery

"Hey, how you doing?" He asks.

"I just got 190% better." I say

"Glade to hear it. Want to hang out?" He say laughing

"I can't. Just had chemo again. If you want to come here, that would make me so happy." I hint

"You got it." He says

"Really? You would come to a house full of vampires?" I ask, surprised

"Anything for you." He almost coos.

"Mh. Come." I say finally.

"Be there in 5 minutes." he says, I can here the wind whipping by as he runs.

"4:49.." I count and he laughs and hangs up.

"Jacob's coming by" I say

"Great. I have to go find Alice to confirm come plane tickets for a shopping thing." Rosie gets up, yelling for Alice.

"Are you happy Bella?" Jasper asks.

"Yeah, I am." I decide

The door bell rings I swear I ran there faster than Jasper would have.

"JACOB!" I yell and jump on him, hooking my legs around his hips, my arms around his neck.

"Hey Baby Girl, who gave you sugar?" He jokes.

"You did. Come in." I say, hopping off, pulling him inside.

"Glade to see you all hyped up." He says.

"Want some food?" I ask.

"Of course." He laughs.

I run the kitchen, slipping and landing on my butt.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

Just fine." I giggle.

"What's up with her? Does the Chemo make her crazy?" I hear Jake ask Emmett.

"No, you did that." He laughs.

I make a sandwich and spill the chips and knock over the glass of root beer, giggling the whole time.

Finally Jake comes in and leads me back to the couch,

"It's fine. Come here baby." He pulls me to his lap, my legs sideways.

"I'm glade you are feeling better." He whispers in my ear.

"You want to know what would make me feel even better?" I whisper back.

I kiss him, in front of everyone, he kisses me back, snaking his arm around my back and my hips till I'm straddling him. Kissing him makes bursts of heat fill my body starting at my lips and moving out. .

I pull away, smiling.

"I have never had to do that." I say just above a whisper.

"Do what?" He asks.

"Stop. Thanks my shining sun." I say smiling and he laughs.

"You're welcome, can I ask you a question?" He asks.

"Sure." I say.

"Will you go out with me?" He asks.

I kiss him again and his response is almost automatic.

"I'll take that as a yes." He laughs, his mouth just above my collarbone.

"He** yes." I mutter back, my mouth on his.

"Has any one told you, you are incredibly sexy?" he asks, moving his hands just above the waist band of my shorts.

"Not until today." I say back.

"You are." He promises.

I believe him, with all my heart and you know what? I know he's not lying.

**I was incredibly hyped up when I wrote most of this. I wish I had a man who treated me like jake and Bell. I don't like swearing because somewhere I found a verse in the Bible that says you shall not swear, ever. I have good plans. REVIEW! I really want a guy to love me like that. WHAT DO YOU THINK?**


	9. Chapter 9

**I forgot about Tanya in the last ch. She went hunting. Onward and forward.**

.. Only through in my head as I lay across Jake on the couch when the door opens.

Tanya is back.

She looks at me, anger crosses her face.

"Carlise? What she doing here?" She asks

"She's my patient. Do you have a problem?" he asks calmly, I didn't hear him come home

"Is there a reason she is not at the hospital?" She asks.

"She isn't comfortable in hospitals and requested she stay here. You can leave if you want." He says.

"She got burned." Emmett says to Jasper.

"Real bad." She can hear.

"Will you two grow up?" She screams at them

"We didn't do anything." Jasper holds his hands up.

"You two are acting like kids. You always are." She says

"You know who's acting like a kid?" Em asks

"Besides you?" She asks in a annoyed tone.

"Your husband, our little Eddie." Jasper says, smiling, his hands crossed, shoulder to shoulder with Emmett.

She keeps opening and closing her mouth like a fish until she picks up my can of root beer and chucks it at them, I crack up.

Jake throws his head over the back of the couch and laughs real loud. So do the boys.

"We should have a food fight." I say

"You are all kids." Tanya states.

"You should go cry about it to idiot Edward." I say

She seems lost for words and shoots up stairs and we crack up.

"She doesn't know a good time if it slapped her in the face." Jasper says.

"We should have a food fight through" I say again.

"Maybe another day." Carlise says smiling

"Oh darn." I joke.

Jake laughs and rubs my arm.

"What do you want to do?" He asks

"I don't know, make Edward see he's being stupid." I sigh

"Give him time." He is so simple

He kisses me and I forget everything except the way his lips feel on mine. Some clears their throat and coughs.

Tanya is there, a pained look on her face.

"Sorry about before." she mumbles.

"Good, I'm not." I grumble and turn back to Jake.

"Bells, be nice." Jake frowns.

"Why?" I challenge.

"Because she is." He grins.

"She started it." I pout.

"Doesn't matter."

"I don't want to leave you." I add

"I'll be here when you get back." He smiles

"That's what Edward said." I grumble.

"Bella, it's not like that." He starts.

"I know, I know. Ok." I finally say.

"I'm sorry to." I say to Tanya.

He snorts and Edward comes down. Jake pulls me close, whispering in my hair

"It's ok Bella, I got you." He promises

I move his arm from my shoulders to around my ribs and stomach like a harness so I won't kill him.

"Jake, hold on to me." I warn. (Sound familiar? *Cough Breaking Dawn cough*)

He laughs lightly, shaking me to my bones. He tightens his arms and I feel safe.

"Hey Bells?" Jake asks suddenly

"Yeah?" I ask

"I love you." He whispers

I giggles and twist my head to kiss him and he laughs and kisses me back.

"Your a real idiot." Emmett and Jasper come running in screaming it.

Me and Jake crack up.

"You are the dumbest person in the history of people." Jasper growls.

"And you spent 70 years reading." Emmett adds.

"Don't you dare-" Tanya starts but Emmett holds up his hand.

"I don't know how you married such a stupid person. At least Bella isn't stupid." Jake surprises me.

I stop moving, ready for the snap, growls, hits, pushing me to the side so they can fight and tear at my broken (but mending) heart. It doesn't come.

"Bells, you can breathe, it's ok. No one is going to fight anyone. It's fine." Jacob says calmly

Suddenly I'm crying, sobbing into his shirt.

"It's fine Bell. I got you. I love you." He keeps whispering

"I'm sorry, I just have been so scared." I try to stop the tears but more come.

"It's fine. Why were you scared? You don't need to be. No one can hurt you. I won't let them." He almost begs.

"I was scared he was going to come back. It gave me so many nightmares, screaming till my dad said I should go away, away form you Jake." I manage to get out.

"Oh Bella," He puts his head on my sobbing one.

I don't know how long I keep it up till I hear a huge crash.

Edward took the vase from the counter and smashed it on the ground. No one moves.

Suddenly Alice runs in.

"Someone, grab a bucket, Bella is gonna puke in about 20 seconds"

She's right, I lose anything in my stomach as soon as Jake has the trash can in front of me. I just start crying again, wiping my mouth on my arm and leaning against Jacob.

"Poor kid." Esme says

I groan.

"Let's go upstairs." Jake suggests, whisking me into his strong arms

He walks slowly, stopping in front of Edward, kissing me.

"You missed the prize big time." He says, kissing me again.

"Ew! How can you do that, I just puked all over us." I complain.

It's true, I puked again mid puke and kinda missed the can.

"Nothing a shower can't help." He says,

I laugh weakly and relax.

He brings us to the master bathroom, starting the shower.

"I'm sorry Bella, I heard him coming down, I should have told you." He says

"It's fine." I whisper, to tired to do anything else.

He sets me on the bench by the shower, taking off his shirt. Suddenly I'm kneeling in front of the toilet, puking my guts out, again. Jake rubs my back.

"I'm really sorry Bella." He murmurs, handing me a cup to rinse.

"Can we just shower and go to sleep?" I beg.

"Anything." He helps me into the tile shower, striping off my gross clothes till I'm bare

I have no shame or embarrassment. He rinses off and then lets me. He smiles at me and I smile back. He kisses me and I kiss him in that tile shower under warm water that washes away my pain.

He gently washes me with a scrubby that smells like oranges till my skin is a light red but not from pain. It feels so good. **(You know those ball things that you add gel to and its like a sponge thing?)**

He finishes washing off himself and turns off the shower, grabbing me a towel.

"Thanks Jake." I manage, close to falling asleep.

"Anything." He repeats.

I find some p.j pants and a tee and clumsy slip into them, brushing my teeth and letting Jake carry me to my waiting bed.

"Goodnight my Bella." He whispers, laying next to me.

"Do something for me." I slur out.

"Anything." He promises.

"Stay."

I fall asleep with my best friend ready to fight anything for me. I don't need a vampire, just a best friend who loves me.

**They did _NOT_ have sex. How was it? I NEED REVIEWS TO KEEP GOING! PLEASE!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I love bones, I just do. They are interesting to me. Little fact there because of how skinny Bella is going to get. SPOLIER! LET'S READ ON! EMINEM IS BEAST!**

I roll over and smile. Jacob Black loves me, he kissed me in front of ex boyfriend vampire. Why do I feel like crap? Oh yeah, I have cancer and am scheduled to die in a couple months.

I hear voices down stairs.

"Edward, you are just killing her faster. She told me she was scared you would do this. Why won't you understand?" Alice's voice floats up.

"You don't understand, I lied. Both times. I still love her." Edward tries to explain and my chest explodes.

Jacob's arms around me, trying to get me to relax.

"It's ok Bella. I'm here." He repeats, pain in his voice.

I just keep screaming and crying and trashing around. My bones hurt and I'm hot and just want it to stop.

Alice, Esme, Carlise and Emmett and Jasper rush in, ready to kill me.

"No! I DON'T WANT IT. IF I HAVE TO DIE, LET ME. THAT LIAR WILL LOVE IT." I scream at them.

"Bella, it's ok. We just want to cool you down, no one is killing anyone." Carlise says in a calm voice

"THAT'S WHAT HE SAID THEN GOES AND LEAVES, LIES, I SAVE HIS SORRY A** AND LIES AGAIN, I HATE THIS, LET ME OUT. MAKE IT STOP. PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY!" I scream again.

"No one is killing anyone."Jacob says,

I don't believe them, Rose looks me straight in the eyes,

"Bella, trust me. I won't let them. I promise, I will kill them if they try. I love you Bella." She says in a deadly calm whisper.

I stop struggling, holding her hand for my life.

"Don't leave. Please don't leave." I mutter to Jake and Rose.

"We won't. We are right here Bella." They keep saying.

I lay there, silently crying, praying to just die then the pain changes and I feel like I'm floating.

Jacob is look at me, playing with my hair. Saying sweet things that I can't understand.

"What happened?" My voice is uncontrolled and sounds like underwater.

"We had to sedate you. You tried to go at Edward with a metal baseball bat." He explains.

I laugh, giggle more.

"This is so weird." I can imagine bubbles coming out if we were underwater.

"We know." I didn't see Rose until she said that.

"You look like a angle Rosie." I giggle.

"Thank you Bella." She smiles and I grin at her.

"Nice dent that kid made?" I hear Jasper and Emmett outside and move to go say hi.

"Hold on there. You have to stay here." Jake pulls me back down,

"Why?" I frown.

"So you don't go at my brother with that bat again." Rose snorts

I guess I forgot he was a brother. "I'm sorry." I tell her.

"It's fine." she smiles.

He was a brother, a son and a husband!

"NO!" I yell, making to get up again.

"Not again." Rose whispers

He married that bi**h.

"Why?" I calmly sit back down.

"Why what?" Jake asks.

"Why did he lie?" I wonder.

"I don't know." He kisses me and I giggles and fall back and sigh,

I fall in and out of sleep till I'm not tired.

I slowly walk down stairs, feeling weak and shaky like when you have a high fever.

Jacob, Rose, Emmett, Carlise, Jasper and Edward are sitting at the table. Oh uh.

"How long?" Jacob asks in a small voice.

"Weeks." Carlise says.

"I thought you said months." He sounds like someone is choking him

"That's what we thought. We can fight but I doubt we can get rid of it all. She doesn't want to be a vampire so I think we should not tell her." Carlise says

They can't tell I'm on the stairs. I'm going to die in weeks? Poor Jacob. I listen more.

"Isn't there something we can do?" Jake asks

"I think you know the answer to that." Carlise replies

"But I just got her back. There has to be something." He almost yells.

"I'm sorry Jacob." Carlise sounds sorry.

I sit on the step. I. Am. Going. To. Die. Leave Jacob and Charlie forever. My heart speeds but still no one finds me.

It's quiet.

"What should we tell her?" Rose asks in the same strangled voice as Jacob.

"Nothing. That she is getting better." The answer is simple, lie.

I should be used to it. Something in my head must have just changed. I will believe there lies and die without telling them I know.

"I don't know if I can lie to her. I love her. I was going to ask her to marry me next year, if she got better." Jacob surprises me.

He was going to marry me? Wasn't going to risk imprinting? He would give up soul mates for me?

Suddenly to room is spinning and I can't get air in my lungs. I fall forward off the steps and just before I hit the ground two strong, cold, hard arms catch me.

Edward, same gold eyes, same crooked smile. My hear sounds weird and he won't stop looking away from me.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I'm sorry. Please forgive me." His voice melts and my head explodes.

"AH" I hold my head.

People get up from the table but don't move.

Edward puts his hand on my forehead and the pan slowly goes away and I slip away.

"I..love..you to" I barley get out before I'm sleeping in his arms once again.

_All alone he turns to stone. Holding his breathe have to death, terrified of whats inside to save his life. He crawls like a worm. Crawls like a worm form a bird._

**I didn't know how to end this so I ended with some music. It's kinda short but o well. REVIEW. **


	11. Chapter 11

A couple days later I get worse but Jacob brings me up. Edward understands he messed up big time and that I'm hooked on Jacob, my Jacob.

"I love you." I tell him across the Cullens living room.

"Aw Bell. I love you too. There's my smile." He grins at the smile and the giggle.

My days are fairly boring. Chemo every other day. Puking in between, making out with Jake after.

Edward watches us with fascination.

Jacob won't stop smiling. I nod at him and twirl around, feeling the air swoosh around me on the wood floor. The world spins.

"Oh wow." I mutter. (**SKINS! CASSIE!)**

"Don't fall." Jacob smiles.

I shoot him a grin and keep spinning, slipping and landing on what I thought was ground but two big warm arms.

"Nice." I whisper, reaching my neck up to kiss him. He chuckles and helps me up.

"Be careful." He asks.

"I try." He rolls his eyes and sits back on the couch.

I dance around some more then grab a drink.

"Man, Bella!" Jacob says in a low voice.

"Bella what?" I ask, plopping down next to him.

"You are very sexy." He rubs his chin, I laugh

Carlise comes in looking very happy.

"Bella, I think I have good news." He looked thoughtful

Jacob pulls me to his lap. He smells so good. I could sit here all day.

"We are looking at years." It takes me a minute to understand his words.

"Like a cure?" Jake asks

"Yes, kind of." He says some other things but I don't hear any of it.

I won't leave Charlie, Jacob.

Suddenly Jacobs lips are on mine and I let his heat burn me to the core. Someone upstairs screams.

"Rose." I mutter.

'This is great Bells." Jake gives my hand a squeeze.

I laugh and smile at him. "I know it is Jake, does my dad know?" I ask

"You can call him. I think your dad called, Jacob." Carlise won't look at Edward,

"Wonderful. All I have to do is call Charlie, tell Sisten and not die." I add in a sour tone,

"Come on Bella. Don't be like that. Charlie will be thrilled, Sisten will be happy and how many times have you not died? You got this in the bag. If you can run away form some crazy vamps, this will be a piece of cake." Jake had to bring that up.

"Thanks Jake I needed to remember that." I glare at him.

He wraps his arms around my stomach, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Bells. I know how strong you are. I know you can do this. You survived the last 3 months." He notes.

I giggle. "Me nothing, all you Jake and your friends. Who knew wolves where so much fun." He laughs too.

"Come on Bella. Trust me." He whispers in my ear and I smile and nod, letting him kiss my hair, my ear, my cheek.

I call Charlie and he blows a gasket.

"This is wonderful Bella. I'll take to Carlise about the arrangements. Just work on getting better. I love you." He sounds like hes smiling.

"Sure Dad, love you too. SO much." I hand the phone to Carlise and look around the room.

Rose and Alice are gone on their trip, I don't see Esme. Upstairs Jasper is reading,

"Hey Bella. How are you?" He looks up form his book.

"Don't you already know?" I ask smiling.

"Yeah well. What can I do for you?" He asks smiling

"I just wanted to ask you, when you saw all those new borns running at you, where you scared?" I have been meaning to ask him for a while.

"I guess I was because I didn't know if they would bring me down and that made me work harder. Why do you ask?" He notices me running my fingers over the bite that James gave me.

"Because I'm scared." I haven't understood this but now I know.

"Of what?"

"Remembering. He broke me and I'm scared to put myself together again."

He doesn't say anything for a minute then sits up, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Bella, I know you are hurt, what he did was horrible but you don't need to be scared. I know how strong you are. Like Jacob said. You are strong, stronger than Edward." He smiles and I nod,

He stands and holds his arms out, I hug him.

"Thanks Jasper." I mutter into his sweater.

"Anytime Bella." He smiles at me

"Sorry if I interrupted you. See you later." I wave a little on the way out and hear him chuckle from down the hall.

I pass Emmett and Roses room. Emmett grins as I walk to the door jam.

"Hey Superman." He smiles at my name

"Hey. I heard you talking to Jazz."

"Yeah. Did you know Emmett, I always thought you were the strongest person on earth."

He laughs, "Thank you Bella. What you doing?"

"Nothing, walking around. Jake went out with Leah and Sam," I shrug.

"Fun. I was going to go fill water balloons with whip cream and dump them on Tanya and_ Eddie._"

"Awesome. I'm going to go outside. I'll listen to the curses and yelling." I smile and he nods.

"Captain Emmett at your service." He salutes.

"Maybe Jasper would like to help. He was in the army." I suggest.

"Great idea. See you Bella." He runs to Jaspers room

I smile and move on to Edwards room. Same black couch, cold carpet, millions of CDs. There are pictures on the walls, thats new. One of his wedding day. A couple graduations. One stops me cold. Us at prom. I can't believe he kept it. I sit on the couch and remember.

_Dancing._

_'Say it Bella' in the forest, 'Vampire.'_

_'So the lion fell in love with the lamb.'_

I scream and throw the picture at the wall where it shatters.

"What was that?" Someone down stairs asks.

"I don't know." Esme is home.

I don't care, grabbing more pictures off the walls, smashing them all. When almost all of the frames are broken I stand there, breathing hard. I laugh, full of bitterness.

"Oh I'm so sorry Eddy. I didn't mean to break what you loved. It's just what you did." I spit at his pictures, a pile of wood, glass and memories on that dang gold carpet. I'm gone. I'm done with everything, screw him.

"Screw him." I tell the pictures.

Suddenly I kick his door down I didn't know I closed. After kicking it half, throwing it at his glass wall. It shatters, leaving a hole in the wall.

"What the heck was all that. It sounds like someone is breaking in." Tanya sounds worried downstairs. Good.

I laugh again, walking to my room like its nothing, putting on some jeans, a v neck and wedges. Eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, tons of lip gloss. I feel so good, lighter.

I walk down stairs. The boys are gone. Tanya and Esme at in the kitchen, Edward is at his piano.

"Hey," I smile at them, grabbing Edwards keys, waving good bye, walking to the garage.

"Hey Bella." Billy smiles when I turn up at his house,

"Is Jacob here?" I ask.

"Yeah, I think he is sleeping." He nods.

I quietly walk to his door, Jake is sprawled on his bed, looking so peaceful. I kiss his forehead and walk back out.

"When he wakes up, have him call me." Billy says he will.

I drive faster than I ever have before back to my house.

"Hey Dad." I yell when I get in

"Hey Bells, good to see you." He gives me a huge hug

"You too. I needed some air, what's new?" He blinks then smiles.

"Nothing, found out my baby girl won't die." He laughs, I laugh with him,.

"You?" He asks

"I trashed Edwards room, stole his car and drove to Jacobs." He laughs again.

"Nice kid. I was going to Sues."

"Have fun, I'm just grabbing somethings then going back to the Cullens." I sit at the table.

"Great. See you later kiddo." He leaves.

I grab my camera, credit card, and phone. On the way out I pass the bathroom mirror and see a flash of gold. I turn and see a bit of arm out my window.

"Silly Edward." I mutter to myself,

The arm doesn't move. I walk to the window, opening it wide open, then slamming it shut.

Back at the Cullens, Emmett bounces on me right when I step inside the door,

"Nice job Bella."

I give him a confused look and Jasper steps up behind him.

"Yeah, I'm proud of you." He smiles

I spin around, Rose is leaning against the island, arms cross, a smile playing on her lips.

"I can't believe you Bella, way to go girl." She full on smiles.

"I have no idea-" I start but Jacob runs in the front door, picking me up, twirling me around, kissing my neck and grinning like a idiot.

"Man Bella, who knew you could fight dirty?" He laughs

"Stop!" I make it louder than I meant to. "What did I do? I have been gone," I demand, suddenly annoyed.

"You trashed Eddies room." Emmett grins, crossing his arms too.

My heart almost stops.

"Yeah, his expression was priceless" Jasper snorts.

"Glade to help." I say sarcastically.

Jacob laughs again. "That's why I love her." He mutters.

Suddenly I'm really tired. I almost fall on the couch,

"Long day." Jake, puts my feet in his lap.

"Too long." I mutter, closing my eyes.

"Sleep Baby Girl." Jacob whispers,

I wake up some time later.

"What am I suppose to do?" Someone sounds annoyed

"She trashed your room. Fight back. Yell at her. Something!" Tanya?

"I can't. Everyone would defend her and I could get kicked out." Edward says.

"So what? We can go to Alaska, be happy together, alone."

"I need to stay." A statement.

"Fine, Mr. Grumpy Gills." She pouts. **(finding Nemo!)**

I roll over on the couch, Jake is staring at the wall.

"Hey Hot Stuff." I smile at him.

"Hey Bells, glade to see you awake. You wouldn't shut up." He laughs

"What did I say?" Suddenly nervous.

"Just something about 'Jacob, my Jacob.' And 'That loser vamp can go jump in a fire'" He laughs

"Oh, Jake?" I smile

"Yeah?"

"I love you." He rubs my thigh.

"Love you too Bells, so much." He holds my gaze.

"Really? Show me." I challenge, sitting up to straddle him.

He kisses me, fast. I take a couple breaths and kiss him back. His hand goes to the small of my back, pulling me closer, his other, pulling my head to his. My hands knit in his hair. He smells so good, and tastes even better. **(lol!)**

I break away to look at him. "I thought so." I mutter,

I get off him and start to walk away when he groans.

"Come back Bella." He begs.

"Come get me Jacob." I dare him. He groans again, getting up to chase me around the house.

I slip in the kitchen, running into Tanya, knocking her over. Jake uses this to tickle me till I can't breathe form laughing so hard.

"Will you two stop acting like kids?" She yells

"But we are kids. Unlike the pair of you 100 year old losers. Lighten up." Jacob helps me.

I laugh and she glares. "At least I can kiss him, Edward is the worst kisser in the _world_." I emphasize world and Jacob cracks up and kisses me to help my point.

"Seriously I don't know what he saw in you. You have no taste. How can you kiss that dog?" Tanya asks.

"How can you kiss that leech?" I smile.

Jacob gives me a high five then gasps, pulling the back of my shirt up. There is a huge bruise.

"Bella, what am I going to do with you?" He asks.

"Love me." I say simply.

He grins at me, salutes Edward who winces, picking me, kissing the breathe out of me and setting me back down.

"I will give you 5 seconds." He growls.

I giggle and take off. The sun is setting, sending a weird light in the house. It hits Edward and I am blinded, falling again.

"Um ow." I mutter.

Jacob runs up. "You ok?" He asks

I kiss him fast and hard, "Yup!" I run away giggling till he catches me by Edward.

"You are not leaving me." He growls low in his chest, grinning at me.

"Why would I? Did I mention I love you?" I ask him.

He laughs, running me upstairs to my room, dropping me on the bed, kissing me and helping me take off my clothes till I'm in a tank and my underwear.

"I love you Isabella Swan!" He rumbles.

"Show me." I say, danger heavy in my voice, kicking my legs around his hips.

He attacks me and I can't get enough.

I love Jacob Black.

**Ok so I was really hyper when I wrote this thanks to Selena and Intuition, great song and the power of eye liner. They do 'love each other' but I'm not going to right that part because I'm not going to. This is what you get from any hormonal Teenager. Tell me what you think and if you have any songs that make you wanna shake what your momma gave you. Thanks. :)**

**Sissybaylie. **

**p.s Anyone who reviews...I love you!**


	12. Chapter 12

**OK So I had some questions asked from the last ch. Carlise is busy studying this 'cure'. The treaty doesn't say anything about Jake going to the Cullens so it's mute. The family knows everything. **

The sun wakes me up, Jacob is watching me.

"Hey Beautiful." He whispers

"Stop." I roll over.

"No really, Bella means beautiful." He smiles.

I roll my eyes. "Silly Jacob." I mutter. "What time is it?" I wonder.

"About 11." He sighs,

"Oh wow. Don't the boys need you?" I yawn again.

"No, they understand I'm with my girl." He smiles again.

The house is strangely quiet.

"They went hunting." Jacob answers my unsaid question.

"Ew. We are all alone for the time." I say and he laughs

"I guess we are, how about some food?" He asks, slipping on some sweat pants.

He makes waffles.

"These are really good." I say between mouthfuls

He smiles, grabbing a plate for himself.

We hang out the rest of the day. Around 4 Jacob moves on the couch.

"Bella?" Jacob asks me

"Mh?"

"I love you." He whispers

"Love you to Jake." I tell him, kissing his forehead.

He sighs. "What's wrong?" I ask

"Nothing. Don't worry about a thing." He smiles, getting off the couch.

"Ok, where you going?" I ask, leaning against the back.

"Check some stuff, I'll be back soon." He kisses me once, running for the forest.

I sigh and look around the first floor. I vacuum and mop, the whole house as the sun sets. After finishing dusting the 3rd the front door opens.

"Bella?" Jacob asks.

I run down stairs not slipping once, jumping at him, my mouth on his.

"I missed you too." He laughs when we break for air,

"I cleaned the house." I tell him.

"I can see that, thanks." His smile makes me want to cry so I go for kissing him again,

If he wasn't a wolf we would both be on the floor. He gets where I'm going, pressing me closer.

"Did you have fun?" I ask

"It was hell without you." He says into my neck.

He gives up at the front door, racing me upstairs, our clothes are on the floor in seconds.

**LATER ON. (It's going to get Breaking Dawn-ish)**

I wake up in the dark, the clock says 3:26, Jacob is gone again and my mouth is drier than the dessert in the middle of July. After my drink, I know I won't be able to sleep. I forgot about Dinner, oops. Edward hasn't fixed his door. Same as I left it except our prom picture is in the trash, I will give him points for that. In Jaspers room, he book marked a page, about the wolves. My stomach flips.

_The children of Shapeshifter have a less than 15% chance of carrying on that gene. It is really rare for the gene to be passed on to the baby. Unlike Human pregnancy, shape shifters only last about a month. " _ If I got pregnant with Jacob's kid, they might be a wolf one day, maybe not. More on the not side. Not relevant to me, I hoped.

Suddenly I am nervous, shaky and hot. Food. A small part of my brain reminds me I need food, I skipped dinner last night. I grab a pan and makes some blue berry pancakes.

After I'm done, shower time. The warm water calms me. I put just my underwear and tank on, the scale says 90. Weird.

I drag the blanket from the couch and watch the 3 Harry Potter on my bed till Jake comes home.

"Hey, sorry I had to leave Babe. Leah had this problem she couldn't figure out, don't know where Seth is." He explains.

I don't really care. I pat the spot next to me. "Come here Superman." I grab his hand.

I lay across his, putting his arms on my stomach.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." He mutters in my ear.

"It's fine. I'm didn't really notice." I promise him, kissing him.

It's only like 4:45, we watch the rest of the movie, more making out than watching.

At 7 I fall asleep again. I hear Jacob on the phone.

"She can't figure it out for herself? So go make friends with him, if he hasn't kill us yet we can assume he won't hurt up. Step up Sam!" He sounds mad.

I peek at him, he looks annoyed and totally sexy.

"Jacob?" I sit up on my elbows.

"Hey, don't worry. Jacob's got it coved." He promises, walking over in 3 swift steps.

He leans down to kiss me. I go to fast too soon and he laughs.

"Someone is feisty." He jokes.

"Shut up and kiss me." I growl, pulling him closer, taking his shirt off at the same time.

"Bella." He warns

"I said shut up." I growl again at him.

He laughs and lets me lead till I'm kneeling in front of him, my hands in his hair.

He hikes one of my legs around his hip, groaning as I pull his pants off.

"Bella." He says again.

"Do I need to tape your mouth shut?" I ask him.

"No ma'am." he grins.

The Cullens come home at Noon.

"Hello?" Rose asks.

"Up stairs." I call. Jake is sleeping. I throw on some p.j pants and walk down stairs.

"The house looks good, still standing." She smiles.

"Yeah." It takes me a minute to understand what she is saying. "Rose!" I complain.

"Hey, would you like Emmett to do it?" She asks. I roll my eyes.

"Did you have a good time?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.

"Yeah, you?" She grins.

"Just fine, made some pancakes, watched movies. I lost 5 pounds." I say weary.

"You should gain it back when we start the other treatment." Rose promises.

I sigh, sitting at the bar. "Where is Carlisle." I ask

"Work, he'll be home soon. Want a sandwich?" Jasper asks, walking in the back door.

"Sure." I smile.

He smiles back and starts. I feel kinda of weird, my stomach is churning, I'm all shaky.

"You ok?" Rose asks.

I nod, not trusting my voice, I put my head on the cool granite counter, concentrate on my breathing.

Rose rubs my back and my head starts throbbing. Jasper puts the sandwich in front of me, with a glass of 7 up. Maybe the bubbles will help my stomach. I take a couple sips and a couple of bites of sandwich, testing. After a couple minutes I eat the rest then lay on the couch, scared to move to much.

Jacob comes down, looks at Rose for a explanation and comes and rubs my back. 5 minutes later I'm in front of the toilet, puking up the sandwich, 7 up and and anything else in my stomach.

"Maybe this is from the Chemo." Jake suggests, holding my hair while I wipe my mouth off.

"I haven't had Chemo in days." I remember.

He helps me up, back to my room, I curl in a ball and stare at the door, fighting tears. Jacob rubs my back.

10 minutes I'm back in the bathroom. I don't really have anything to throw up, tell that to my stomach.

"Bella?" Jake looks worried.

I don't say anything, brush my teeth and go back to my dark room. The light hurts my head and I can't stop shaking.

Jakes moves to get up.

"Stay." I whisper.

"You got it." He promises, genitally massaging my back.

I let my mind wander and it hits me. My heart pounds and I try to calm down.

"Jacob, can we go to your house?" I ask him, scared.

"Sure." He smiles a little, helping me up.

We drive and I don't know how to break it to him.

We get there and I walk to his room, sitting on his bed.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob asks,

I shake my head. "Jake, I think I'm pregnant." The words burn.

He doesn't move, show any sign of understanding or even hearing me.

"Pregnant?" He chokes out.

I nod, can't look at him. He doesn't do anything and a sob shakes me.

He snaps out of it, sitting next to me, holding me.

"It's going to be ok." He promises. "Sh Bella, it's all be ok." He just sits there as rain pounds the roof, rocking me.

"I want to keep it." I decide.

"Anything, anything you want." He promises.

I know 3 things. I love Jacob. I want this baby. Edward will be so mad.

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